#theonlywayout, #sylvesterstallone, #adhd, #academynichollfellowship, #fibromyalgia, #undifferentiatedconnectivetissuedisease, #anxiety, #prednisone, #steroidinjections, #amygiaquinto, #giaquintoproductionsllc
Flashback to 2018 and once the idea for THE ONLY WAY OUT was born and I had determined who my main characters were, my brain went into hyperdrive. Literally, the story was all I could think about day and night, night and day. It invaded my dreams and all of my conversations and probably drove everyone around me crazy. In fact, it made my husband want to strangle me....
My mind was racing at a million miles per hour, crafting the story, diving into interesting protagonists, antagonists, conflict, theme, plot, etc. I was brainstorming and journaling in Word when I was near a computer and in countless notebooks when I wasn't. When the computer and my journals weren't an option, I was using Google Docs' talk-to-text feature to make notes. I was also reading everything I could about every illegal marijuana grow and grower who'd been busted in states where marijuana had been legalized.
When I break a story that I'm passionate about, I get so excited I literally can't sleep. The flip side of that coin is that I also get extremely anxious. My method of breaking a story is incredibly scattered and, at the beginning of every project, I always wonder if I can do it, wonder if anything's actually come out of my messy process.
The anxiety drives an obsession with the story that's driven by a need to prove to myself and everyone around me that I can indeed succeed at writing a script and not just any script, a great story, an award-winning, A-list attracting, multi-million dollar earning masterpiece. Yeah, no pressure there, right? (And yes, I am well aware that my priorities are WAY out of whack.)
And because of my anxiety, I create multiple a landfill's worth of documents for my stories, using my notepads, journals, Word and Google Docs, business cards, fliers, sticky notes, toilet paper, napkins, whatever I can find to jot down my ideas as I work through trying to figure out the best logline, synopsis, outline, beat sheet, etc.
When I break a story, I literally have bits and pieces of story all over the place, all the time. It's great and it's not because when I begin to write the script, oftentimes I'll want to reference a note or a snippet of amazing dialogue, but I can't ever, for the life of me, find it. And nowadays I don't even bother to try as I've learned it's a fool's errand and the best ideas will eventually resurface. Or not...
In the past, I made grand attempts to get organized. I bought different colored notebooks and journals for character, settings, research, etc., but as a very busy mom who may or may not (but probably does) have ADHD, no matter how hard I try, the organization goes out the window almost immediately. All it takes is having one story idea and being out with the wrong notebook, or no notebook at all, and I'm right back at square one.
And you'd think the computer would be a Godsend for organization, but it's just as bad, if not worse. I have documents floating around in different directories in Word and Google Docs and Final Draft and let's just say my naming conventions early in the process and when I'm in a hurry tend to make it difficult, if not impossible, to find the document for which I'm searching... Worse, as hard as I try, stuff doesn't always make it into the correct folder, often forcing me to search for documents I can't remember the name of.
It's ridiculous, really. I do all of this work, spend all of this time creating story documents that I know I will never look at again.
I used to beat myself up over my process. I'd think, surely, real writers are more organized than this. They must have a better process. They probably come up ideas, have one place to store them, maybe a neat little binder they can flip through or something... But honestly, I don't know. I don't know many A-list writers and those I do know, don't share their process (probably because they're afraid to admit it's just as sloppy as mine). And it's not like any of the schools ever taught anything about the organization and planning part of the writing process (which has always been a huge disappointment for me).
As time went on, I realized that all of my scattered brainstorming/planning efforts weren't for naught. They help my brain sort through the story and give me ideas that trigger even better ideas so that when I'm writing, the writing feels fresh and fun and exciting. This often opens new doors that lead to much more interesting characters and adventures in the story. I have learned to trust (mostly) that if I come up with something good, odds are it will stick and if not, oh well. I'll just have to come up with something else. It's messy, but so is life and after having tried so many different processes for breaking a story, I always wound up coming back to my roots, so I figured it was time to simply accept my scattered process and move on.
Long story short (not really), with THE ONLY WAY OUT, I brainstormed forever, talked to forest rangers and camp hosts while on vacations, gathered all of my research and eventually decided I had enough to begin writing the script off of a very basic, scattered and somewhat incomplete outline. And so, I wrote the first draft in a couple of months.
It was all action! We're talking major kick-butt action and, due to my obsession with Sylvester Stallone, I lovingly referred to my main character as "Rambette," despite the fact she had a much more mundane name in the script.
To help writing the action sequences, I recruited my loving husband, Justin, and our kids and experimented with various fighting and self-defense techniques "Rambette" could use against the antagonists.
Writing these scenes was incredibly fun and exhausting at the same time. Eventually, I finished the first draft and was flying high. It needed work, as first drafts do, so I rewrote it a million times, incorporating feedback from my husband and a good friend. I polished the script, sent it to my manager and awaited a glowing review, only to get a metaphorical kick in the guts style wake-up call.
My manager was not a fan. At all. She said the script was too graphic and much too superheroesque and unbelievable for her to sell. I was deflated, then frustrated, then defensive, but I knew in my heart that she was right.
Despite not liking the script, my manager gave me some fabulous notes. Once I was done licking my wounds, I swallowed my pride and went back to work because from the time I was 8 years-old, my goal has always been to write a big budget film with a wide theatrical release (oh, and win an Academy Award for it), so if I wanted to make that happen, it was time to pony up and do what needed to be done to turn this script into a product Hollywood couldn't refuse.
And so, I dove deeper into the story and the characters and brought the story back down to earth. I submitted the new version to my manager, and she thought it was better, but still not there.
At the time, I was struggling with the extreme, full body pain and fatigue that comes with undifferentiated connective tissue disease, fibromyalgia and a major spine issue associated with my disease. I had always had flares, but they'd been manageable (a couple days in bed manageable) up until this point. But then overnight that changed. I woke up one day with head-to-toe pain and literally went from being super active to hardly being able to lift my pain-racked body out of bed. It was terrifying and I wondered, through the dense brain fog, if this was going to be how things were going to be for the rest of my life. Was this my new reality? It was absolutely terrifying.
Between my body crapping out on me and delivering yet another draft that wasn't saleable, my self-confidence took a major nosedive. I was still determined to deliver a saleable script, but during the rewrite process I began to seriously doubt myself. In fact, I wanted to give up on the script so many times. I'd completely lost faith in myself.
All of this was exacerbated by side-effects from a medication designed to stop my immune system from attacking my body and the cortico-steroids I was on to help calm the inflammation and reduce pain. "Roid rage" is typically associated with anabolic steroids, the illegal steroids bodybuilders use to aid in getting those massive muscles but let me tell prednisone-induced roid rage is real, too, as is the anxiety it causes. I was a wreck physically and mentally and couldn't sit at the computer for more than a few minutes at a time. It was awful.
After several weeks, the immunosuppressant drug eventually began to work and I was able to get off of prednisone, which helped enormously. I then did a lot of physical therapy and cupping and gradually worked exercise back into my daily routine.
Meanwhile, my husband, kids, and friends were there every step of the way supporting me and encouraging me to continue, reminding me how commercial my idea was and that it would make a great movie. And so, I returned to the story, but I remained sufficiently rattled.
It was 2020 when I finished the new draft and rather than waste my manager's time again, I decided to enter it into the Academy Nicholl Fellowship competition. I needed a litmus test to gauge whether it was market ready before I sent it out again. I was really embarrassed for wasting her time with the earlier drafts that were less than stellar, in her opinion.
Several months went by, and I was working on other things. In July 2020, I was notified that my script was a Quarterfinalist in the Nicholl Fellowship competition. I was so excited, but I let it go. But when I received word that THE ONLY WAY OUT was a Semi-Finalist in August, I was beyond excited. Holy cow!
As soon as I read the email, my heart skipped a beat, and I began trembling all over. I was stunned and excited and scared. Holy cow! This was big, really big! I felt like this was it. I was finally going to make it. I really wanted to be a Finalist or a winner, but I knew that finishing as a Semi-Finalist was going to give my script a huge leg-up in terms of marketing and selling it.
I quickly messaged my manager and told her the script was a Semi-Finalist. She congratulated me and, elated, read the new script. Fortunately, she liked it much better. Still, she gave me more notes. I incorporated her notes and sent it back to her. She read it again, LOVED IT, then called me to discuss casting considerations, as in A-list casting considerations. This was August or September of 2020.
It was so exciting! I was flying high, but little did I know, this was just the first step in a process that would stretch on for years, creating the ultimate roller coaster ride that would test all of my patience and resolve and have me constantly questioning the rationality and reality of achieving the dream that I had dreamt for so long.